Imbecile

He has been busy since 2010 started
School has never been so hectic since he has LOTS of stuffs to handle and am responsible for
His daily schedule starts with 6.20 wake up alarm, school till 1.20 or 2.30, home by 3++, shower, eat , reading time, maybe a short nap, then dinner and study till He sleeps
The most tiring part is school but he can't complains and He has got LOTS of stuffs to catch up with since He played throughout my Form 4 and he gotta admit School is FREAKINGLY fun

The worst part is he doesn't have the time to sit down and think about himself,that I know is in a deep mess and he didn't bother to find time and it IS very peculiar for him to do that
FOR THE FIRST TIME, he tried something he always told me not to do, that is run away with his problem, think about it only when it comes to him and when he sat down the other day and think about it, reminisce, It has gotten worse.

He never felt so lonely. When people talk to him about her and tease me bout her, He smiles without knowing the consequences, in a way he lied to them for not telling the truth that they are no more. In every way he is a liar, he always have been I guess. Call him torturing himself but that's what he truly thinks even how many times he thinks it through.

True, he has his friends and they are nice to him and he loves them but watching Kenny and Siaow Wen , Terry and Fong, It makes him feels somehow, indescribable. Somehow, he feels so lonely when he thinks about it and he has gotta nothing to blame but himself for it. Somehow when he goes home, sit down and after he finished his homework and his reading, It took him aback that all this time he has been lying to himself and that's the worst sin someone can commit.

He has never appreciated what God gave him, what she gave him and he, he always does that, to cry when there's nothing he can do anymore. What a fitting end I guess. Maybe he didn't fully believe it when he said he will never find a replacement when she is no more, but now he does believes, maybe not forever but this will take a long time for him.

He tried to make himself feels good by thinking that he is still in a relationship, feeling proud when people talk bout her but it didn't work, it never will. He has only told a few isolated cases, those are the people he feels comfortable talking. He knows he is not facing the truth. He is not saying all this to make her feel bad and truth be told he is glad she has moved on. He is relieved to know that.

He has changed in many ways since that happened, He is such a nerd now that he can't even believe he do his homework but I guess It is for the better of him, maybe this is what God meant by saying she is the one for him. FOR THE BETTER

Don't worry, he doesn't fake his smile anymore, just that it isn't happy as it was. I guess he will slowly turn to his old self, the irritating him. HAHA

AND THANK YOU, Fong, thank you for being there, for lending your ears, for being a shoulder to cry on even though you have had enough on your plate. HE LOVES YOU ,Fong.
Loves as a friend though.